CRAZY LIFE / JOURNAL ENTRIES.

I'm such an exhausted slacker. I 've been wanting to post more regularly but I haven't had the time and I'm scarred to post what I really feel. I guess i don't want anyone the read my deepest darkests so I give you the watered down version . I fear that someone who does know me will use my blog against me so I keep the R version to myself and share the PG parts. ANYWAY I have two journal entries that I will post today since I've been mainly writing on my Microsoft woks instead of on my blog. These journal entries are no yet rated.....

May 25th 2009

So I decided to bring the computer outside and type on it today. I just left the doctor because I been under a lot of stress. I’m o.k. physically but the stress I’ve been under has made my body react to it in a not so positive way. I keep the worst headaches, I sleep all the time, I have small stomach cramps and my shoulders are so tense that I can’t even turn my head sometimes. Things with ROOSTER and I are o.k. but we are both under a lot of stress due to the economy. Him more so then me and I just want to help but being the man that he is, that’s just out of the question. A post that I had a few weeks ago mentioned something about a SECRET I had for you my readers. Well I can now tell you what it is, ROOSTER has asked me to marry him (EXCITED!!!!), but not as much as I was in the beginning. We are crazy in love with each other but this proposal probably came at one of the worst times cause 2 DAYS LATER he got laid off. Ever since then it’s been nothing but stress for the pair of us. The reason I can talk about the wedding is because I finally told OSWALD about the whole thing. ENTIRELY. He was a little PISSED but oh well. BEYONCE’ put it best and you know what song I’m talking about. I often wondered if I had made the mistake and stayed in the A would have happened. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason and everything you go through is just a test to make you better. I think, even if things don’t happen for ROOSTER and me at least he put my faith back into the male race . Thanks for that …….

May 31st 2009

I’m listening to Usher sing about how he would do anything to prove the girl he’s with but he refuses to pay for the mistakes of another man. I get that totally (WOW DEJA VU) I know I haven’t written about this before. Recently I have learned things about a certain fellow that I dated for a long time. I have found pieces to the puzzle I hurt at first but then I put on that Alicia Keys and jumped to number 6 and it didn’t hurt so bad after that. I called one of my very best friends to ask her if it was ok to make it hurt like he hurt me, she was there for the beginning and the end. She never told me I TOLD YOU SO but she help me realized that I learned a VALUABLE lesson. Men are going to show how they feel, forgotten Valentines Day present; late to special dinners you’ve planned for the two of you. I absolutely lost myself in this man. I wasn’t number one to often. YES I’M TALKING ABOUT OSWALD ok I said it and I really don’t care if he reading this. Back to what I was talking about in the beginning, ROOSTER loves me, I had to think o.k. is this a rebound? NOPE had that, do I really love this man, HELL YES I wish everyone could meet him. We were talking the other day about TRUST in our relationship. He asked me was it hard for me to trust men. Thinking about I kinda do trust men but I’m never surprised when they screw up. One things for sure I’ll never make ROOSTER pay for OSWALD mistakes.

Thanks for listening.